Writing the first post is always going to be the most difficult. For me it’s not only those first post nerves that are making me anxious about what I write. I will try to explain the best way I can….
Before we were blessed with this pregnancy, we did in fact get pregnant in 2016. We had made the decision that it was the right time to start a family and were totally elated that we fell pregnant so quickly. We had started our summer with a relaxing trip to Greece with close friends and upon our return made the awesome discovery that we were expecting a baby.
The first few weeks of the pregnancy went fairly well. I wasn’t plagued by morning sickness, just a slight aversion to certain smells (mainly meat, lamb was in fact my worst enemy) and I felt a little tired. Other than that all was well. I guess like most first time mums I was a little nervous about miscarriage as I knew or had heard second hand about those who had experienced them. So when the day finally arrived for my 12 week scan I remember feeling totally relieved. Yes! I had made it to 12 weeks and not miscarried! I knew that before 12 weeks there is an increased risk that it could happen. I felt so blessed to have made it this far. I said my prayers and my thanks that morning for being so fortunate. All I had been thinking about for the previous 7 or 8 weeks were all things baby. Was it a boy or girl? Who will it look like? Names? Who will they become in adulthood? What colour should I do the nursery? I fantasised about our perfect little family and all the wonderful things we would do together.
But it wasn’t meant to be.
After arriving at the hospital for an ultrasound (I went to Doha Clinic, a private hospital, as my medical insurance covered it) we were given the most devastating, soul destroying news. No real words can describe how either of us felt that day and I won’t even try. Our baby had something wrong with it. The ultrasound technician told us ‘This baby is no good. It has something wrong. You either don’t keep or it will die anyway.’ Those words will haunt me forever.
I won’t describe too much the days and weeks after that. It was too painful and all a blur. What I will say is that we were determined to keep our baby regardless of what was wrong with it. Believe me, we fought till the very end.
I was referred to a special unit (Feto Maternal Unit at the government hospital in Qatar) that deals with high risk pregnancies. I had to attend most appointments on my own as men are not allowed in (segregation is common practice in this part of the globe), and the level of empathy I received varied from doctor to doctor. In addition to the torment and heartache I repeatedly found myself feeling frustrated at the lack of understanding and organisation of the people that I dealt with. Eventually at 16 weeks an amniocentesis was performed and the baby was diagnosed with Turner’s Syndrome.
Turner’s Syndrome is a condition where one of the sex chromosomes is missing. So instead of being XY or XX our baby was just XO. We knew then that this meant she was female and that she could suffer with a range of disabilities varying in severity. But none of this mattered to us. She was our princess and we loved her all the same.
We were told of risks associated with continuing with the pregnancy and complications that might arise. We were determined to remain optimistic. We prayed together, with friends and family and leant further on our faith than ever before. ‘God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.’ This was our mantra to get us through.
Sadly it wasn’t enough. Her tiny body could not handle all the different, growing complications.
She went from our first baby to our angel baby in 5 short months. It wasn’t our dream. That wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. But it did.
I will never know how we made it through those weeks or the period after. Even now, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss her and wish she was here for me to hold. My princess. My angel. My baby.
We lost her on 8th November 2016.
I longed to be a mother and for us to have a child. We knew we wanted to try again and we did just that, albeit a bit of a nervous wreck, but we decided we would continue. Much to our surprise, this time around we fell pregnant just as fast as the first.
This is how our second journey began. We received additional scans and tests to monitor the pregnancy. I’ve been worried sick the majority of the time, although with each passing week it does get a little better. We moved from Doha Clinic to the Feto Maternal Centre. I will share a link to their site and will write a post on my care there so far.
We made it to 12 weeks and all was clear. This was our first major hurdle and we smashed through it with flying colours. Preliminary tests revealed that this baby so far is healthy and the tests could detect no chromosomal issues. Finally my dream of motherhood was getting one step closer.
I am now 22 weeks pregnant! Our rainbow baby is due in November! I will continue to share my experiences on this blog and you can follow my instagram account for regular pics and updates in the stories.
Desert Mama xxx